


“I’m Not Ready to Say Goodbye (So I Won’t)”

by wolfjillyjill



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anya Lives, Anya knows about them because of course she does, Clarke remembers that she has medical knowledge, Clexa Week 2019, Clexaweek2019, Day 3, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lexa Lives, Lexa is saved, Only One Bed, Secret Relationship, Titus dies, smut with feels, soft lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 18:10:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17944604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfjillyjill/pseuds/wolfjillyjill
Summary: She remembers that day in the garden. The one Lexa had kept hidden for only herself but decided to share with Clarke.'The world has granted you the gift and curse of leadership, and you match it at every obstacle. No challenge, too great. There is no one more worthy of honor and worship than you, Clarke, Heda of the sky people.'A small smile crawls along her features as she recalls that moment. The one in which Clarke had broken down and cried in front of Lexa for the first time. The one, where she'd finally allowed the Commander to embrace her since she’d swore her fealty to her.Clarke caresses her palm against the comatose warrior's arm. A sob breaking through her chest, her eyes closed. "I wish..." She sniffles, "...I wish I had known you sooner..."akaA fix it piece of that dreaded scene. (Based off a tumblr prompt.)P.S. NO LESBIANS BE DYING ON MY WATCH!





	“I’m Not Ready to Say Goodbye (So I Won’t)”

**Author's Note:**

> Another contribution to Clexa Week 2019.
> 
> I wrote this based off of a tumblr prompt: "I wish I had Known you sooner"
> 
> As always, it got away from me. I hope you enjoy it.

“I’m Not Ready to Say Goodbye (So I Won’t)”

 

She looks up at the darkness kissing the sky. Her heart, heavy, hurting, exhausted by all the ways it has been trampled and mistreated.

'I never wanted this...' Her knuckles shake in her clutched fist. '...I never wanted any of this...'

Her mind tries, but it cannot connect any other way to reconstruct the scenario. It all happened so quickly, so impossibly fast, that it's still a wonder that it isn't her in this bed.

  
'...it should have been me...' the thought echoes in her ears as she looks down at her wounded soldier. The secret lover that granted her a safe haven when all others wished to tear her to pieces.

One minute she was running from Titus. The next, Lexa is in the room. Shot, mortally wounded, but not down enough to keep her from reaching into her boot and flinging her hidden knife. The tactical blade, finding its mark within Titus' throat in an instant.

Murphy appeared from nowhere, helped her gather the Commander and seek out aid. Thankfully Nyko and Octavia weren't far and they'd all gotten her into the med bay. Their healers worked as hastily as they could, Clarke stepping in to assist once her shock had finally left her body.

6 hours, it took.

6 long, excruciating hours, to remove the bullet from Lexa's belly, secure the internal damage, and stitch her back up. Clarke had never put more effort into anything in her entire life before, and she was grateful that her mother's medical knowledge was with her then.

But that was all a week ago.

A week, and the Commander had still not woken. Clarke was there every minute of the day, checking her vitals, cleaning her body, redressing her wounds. The woman never left her side.

When Ambassadors tried to intervene and request a conclave be set for a new Heda, Anya was quick to shut that down. Scolding all of them for having such little faith in their leader's recovery. The dirty blonde second had come by many times to keep Clarke abreast to the goings on in the court, but Clarke knew she mostly did it to see Lexa. To see she still breathes and to reaffirm her belief that Lexa would remain undefeated by this world.

Clarke tries to believe the same. Lexa was strong. Her body was healthy, but still she slept, and each day Clarke was robbed of those moments when green eyes would grace her with a devotion she never knew she could earn. One she never felt she deserved.

'I still don't...' she tells herself, but she can already hear Lexa's words of retort.

'I have seen many warriors fall in battle. Many evil men beheaded by their captives. But I have still never met any with as much weight on their souls as you.'

She remembers that day in the garden. The one Lexa had kept hidden for only herself but decided to share with Clarke.

'The world has granted you the gift and curse of leadership, and you match it at every obstacle. No challenge, too great. There is no one more worthy of honor and worship than you, Clarke, Heda of the sky people.'

A small smile crawls along her features as she recalls that moment. The one in which Clarke had broken down and cried in front of Lexa for the first time. The one, where she'd finally allowed the Commander to embrace her since she’d swore her fealty to her.

Clarke caresses her palm against the comatose warrior's arm. A sob breaking through her chest, her eyes closed. "I wish..." She sniffles, "...I wish I had known you sooner..."

"...K-Klark..."

Clarke's eyes pop open at the familiar sound, one she's missed for far too long. "L-Lexa...?"

The Commander grumbles and groans. "...K-Klark...w-where...?"

"I'm here, Lexa!" She lunges forward, clutching her lover's hand in hers, doing her best not to hurt the woman any further. "I'm here."

Slowly, tired green eyes appear, searching until they find the target of their affections.

"Klark, Ai hodnes."

Tears fall from Clarke at a rapid pace. Her trig wasn't sharp, but she knew what those words meant.

Lexa slowly brings her hand to cradle Clarke's face, her thumb swiping away a fallen tear. "Ai mobi, Klark. Ai mobi..."

"No," Clarke kisses her suddenly, desperately, it only lasts a few moments, but she couldn't hold it back any longer. She rests their foreheads together then continues, "no, I'm sorry. I should have left to visit my mother sooner. I should have known Titus would try something. I..." She chokes on another sob. "...I-It should have been me who took that bullet...."

"Nowe, Klark." Lexa's response is firm. "For you, I would give my life a thousand times. I could not be without you, ever."

"And I couldn't bear to be without you either…" Clarke declares.

"Then I guess it's a good thing Lexa is so damn stubborn and refuses to give death it's wish."

Both women separate swiftly, then turn to see the new occupant within the commander's quarters. Anya just gives them a knowing smirk, her brows lifting in interest. "I knew there was no way our Heda would leave without being a lovestruck youngling with Wanheda one more time."

"Onya." Lexa says exasperatedly.

Anya raises her hands in mock surrender. "Your secret is safe with me." Her hands fall at her sides and her eyes have a warmth to them that Clarke never thought could exist. "Welcome back, Heda."

****

The next few days went by like a blur.

Anya had brought in the healers after giving the secret lovers a few more minutes alone together. Lincoln, Octavia, Nyko, Abby, and Raven had stopped by to check on them both as well. Anya even allowed the ambassadors to come in once Heda was proper so they could see for themselves that she had in fact cheated death. The cowards bent the knee to her almost immediately, acting as if they had faith all along.

Clarke would bring Lexa her meals, help with her injuries, and just keeping her company while she was getting her bearings. She usually would leave to her own quarters once Lexa had fallen asleep, but tonight was different.

She closed the book she had been reading to Lexa once she realized the older woman had been in the valley of dreams. She placed it inside the small drawer of Lexa's nightstand, then stood up to go blow out the candles before making her exit. She stops moving when she feels a hand gently clasp around her wrist.

"Ste..."

Clarke looks down to see drooping green eyes on her. She smiles. "You shouldn't fight sleep, you still need your rest."

Lexa shakes her head. "Klark, ste, beja."

"And where would you have me sleep, Heda? There's only one bed. Your couch is not in here and that rug will only cramp my neck further."

Lexa's drowsiness clears away as she gives Clarke a knowing look.

'Oh.' True, Clarke and Lexa had been intimate at least twice now, but they'd never shared a bed to sleep in before. There was never a right time, and the threat of being caught while they slumbered lingered still. "But, Lexa, we shouldn't..."

"I have learned a lot of things in my time on this earth, but the greatest lesson I've learned is that love, is not weakness."

Clarke can't fight the gasp that leaves their lips.

"Let them find us when the sun rises, I do not care. I will not hide what has kept me on this plane any longer. I will not hide you, Clarke."

“Lexa…” Her voice is light, filled with shock and a gratitude she could never describe.

“Klark kom Skaikru. Wanheda.” Her head, giving an innocent tilt of tenderness. “Ai hodnes, beja, ste.”

And with that, Clarke is weakened. Emotions bucking along with her knees, as she allows her body to fall into bed with the most noble human being she'd ever met. The woman whom now wishes to defy her own teachings, to be with a fallen child of the sky.

The kiss shared between them is loaded in undying affection. The hands that undress her are callous, but delicate as they lay her bare of all worries and responsibilities. The pleas that leave her lips are plentiful and swallowed with each touch of Lexa's fingers along her clit. She is unrelenting, untamed as her hips buck and grind along strong thighs that slot themselves between her legs.

Lexa joins her in their sweet song as she follows the rhythm. Their bodies moving in perfect patterns. Drawing out their cries and calling of each other's names. Lexa cares not for her wounds as she dives skilled fingers into soaking depths. Birthing tears of pleasure from her most honest of loves in all her life. Together they find peace with each other as they reach serenity, soaring on a high that neither knew was possible.

"I give my life to you." Lexa declares as they lay in bed together, Clarke's fingers dancing in her brown mane.

"Why me...?"

"Because no one else saw me, Lexa, before you. No one else cared that she existed as you do. And so I will give her to only you, till our last days are upon us."

Clarke pulls her in, capturing her lips in another searing, tearful kiss. She never thought she'd deserve this. And now, she never wants to be without it. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back on Tumblr again, you can follow me:
> 
> Tumblr: wolfjillyjill  
> Twitter: @thelonewolf28  
> Instagram: wolfjillyjill


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